Do you have goals that you give upon before you have had
any success?
What are you teaching your brain about winning?
What are you teaching your children about reaching for
their dreams?
All people start out on a new venture knowing nothing,
but only those who do not quit along the way will be the one who gets to
celebrate their wins.
A few years ago, while in primary school my daughter was
failing terribly in maths and the teacher had just about written her off. I am
no maths teacher at all, in fact, I get extremely impatient trying to teach
people in my area of weakness. I can
patiently teach in my area of strength. But ask me to teach in an area of
weakness and I come unstuck. I realized quickly that I could probably scar her
for life if I was going to be the person solely responsible for helping her
with maths. I had to get a team, to get me through this.
It was then that I started looking for options for
help. I sent her to a Kumon branch near
us. When the owner sat with me, she
explained that this process was going to be a family process and not just the
child. They could teach her the principals, but I was the person who would need
to ensure that she did the work and I was the person that was going to mark the
work and I was the person that was going to have to deal with her temper
tantrums, when she did not want to do the work.
I learned a lot from this process.
Lesson 1: The average person just quits too soon.
I have a lovely child, who actually adds value to my
life. But when it came time to do Kumon, she was like a monster. The instructor
was not joking when she said there were be temper tantrums. It was World War 3 in the home. Every day was
a fight. She wanted to quit. She hated the process and I hated it as well. This
is because we both had no clue what we were doing. It just seemed too hard, too emotionally
draining. I wanted to quit. But quitting would have made all that fighting, all
that pain is in vain.
Lesson 2: Don't cheat yourself.
The instructor had told me, that most kids try to
cheat. The hide some of the books. They
pull some of the pages out and re-staple, them to appear that they are
smaller. I could not believe that
my child would do that. But I found so many hidden Kumon books in the house.
You do not need to be a child to cheat yourself. It could be that diet that you quit on too
early. It could be that business that you want to do.
It could be an improved marriage. Don't cheat yourself you of Victory.
Lesson 3: Get into a routine as quickly as possible.
We decided to start out the day with the Kumon exercises.
My daughter has never been an early riser. But the instructor suggested that
starting the day with the Kumon exercises, while her brain was rested and
fresh was the best way to get going.
When kids come home after school, they are tired and lack the
motivation. So we started out each
morning. This meant that by the time she got to school, her brain was more active
than other children and she started to doing better in other areas. But having a routine, we did not have to find
the motivation, it was simply a habit that we formed.
Lesson 4: Take care of your body
Each morning I would give her water to hydrate her brain
and prepare a protein based meal, like a fried egg on toast, to fuel her up for
the exercises for the day. The brain
takes a lot of energy and if you are not fueling yourself correctly in the
morning, you are not equipping yourself for success. Low blood sugar can make you grumpy and more
likely to squabble to cause problems in your relationships. Set yourself for
success by taking care of your body.
Lesson 5: Correct immediately
Each day after the exercises, I would have to mark the
work. The instructor had taught us to correct immediately. This meant redoing the sums straight after
they were marked. It meant that she was able to identify the mistake that she
made, do the corrections an learn the correct was, instead of fixing the
incorrect way in her brain. This is one
of the reasons that in the military teams debrief after every maneuver. Because mistakes in the military could be
fatal. So in our lives, we need to
debrief and see what we learned and how we can correct immediately.
Lesson 6: Get an accountability partner
The instructor at the center, was able to map and measure
our progress. She was not only there to teach my daughter, but to be a sounding
board, when I was taking the strain. She provided guidance for pit falls and
celebrated with us when we had a win. I
was so grateful for having her, as she had walked this journey with many
families and really helped us through the tough times. She kept on making us
revisit our vision and helped to keep us on track.
Lesson 7: Take Time to enjoy life
When we started, I wondered how we would fit in these
daily exercises. I thought that if we
removed either ballet or horse-riding that there would be more time. The instructor was very strict about not
removing anything that my daughter loved make space for the Kumon. She said that if I removed the things that
she loved, then she would have no motivation to continue. As humans, we need to have joy and find ways
to enjoy life or what is the point of having success.
Lesson 8: Be realistic in your expectations.
In the first few weeks, when we were still trying to
establish a routine, there were no real results, just battles. At some point, I
can not tell you when we got into the rhythm and she started to build
confidence.
During the holidays, the instructor encouraged us to keep
going. The kids only get Christmas and
other significant holidays off. While working through the holidays was painful
for us, when she got back at the beginning of the term, her speed at doing her
sums had vastly improved.
Lesson 9: Celebrate Your Wins
At the start of the program, she was the slowest child
when completing her work. The teacher had even tried to tell me that she was
dyslexic and had to go onto Ritalin, which is a drug used to help children to
concentrate.
I call it the "cop-out drug for teachers". We
did not buy into dyslexia or Ritalin options, we believed that in her, she had
the ability to learn coping skills to overcome this challenge and wanted her to
exercise her problem-solving muscles.
The result was when she returned to school, she was the
second fastest child in completing her work.
At the end of the year, she got the Most Improved Mathematics Student
Award.
The journey was long, but we stuck it out and by
celebrating the win, we learned that this system could be applied to other
areas in our lives.
So before you think of quitting, ask yourself if you have
adequately set up structures for your success and push forward to achieving
your goals.
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